STEP #3 PUZZLES
It will feel good to know that you are both taking a moment to stay current to new ideas and changing circumstances. When we fail to provide routine information about what’s going on with each of us, there’s too much room left for either of us to make disempowering assumptions.
Many puzzles are never asked about directly and therefore they remain unresolved. As a result, the quality of our verbal intercourse diminishes significantly.
If you have a simple curiosity about something safe and easy to quickly answer, take the time and initiative to ask. If there are things you don’t understand, or would like information about, ask.
Not taking the time to ask might be taken as “indifference” by your spouse.
Your husband or wife might believe, “If you wanted to know, you would ask.”
They might think, “If you wanted me to know, you would tell me.”
Sample questions might be:
- “What happened in the interview today?”
- “Are you feeling better?”
- “What did Bobby’s teacher say about his homework?”
- “How do you feel about our conversation last night?”
- “Would you like to go out for dinner and a show on Friday night?”
- “What movie would you like to see?”
If you have some basic information that your partner might be interested in hearing about, this is the time to share it.
SHARE INFORMATION with an intention to connect and communicate.
Sample statements might be:
- “I got a promotion and a raise”
- “Last night, I was so worried about my speeding ticket it kept me up almost all night”
- “Your mom called and asked if we could come to see her on Thursday”
- “We’re asking all the employees to meet for a breakfast meeting tomorrow at 7:00 a.m.
- “There should be a package from Amazon today. It will be delivered between 2:00 and 4:00 p.m. and I’ll be coming home early to sign for it.
When your partner speaks:
LISTEN to UNDERSTAND From THEIR Point Of Reference.
STEP #4 BEHAVIOR CHANGE REQUEST
In this step, you are invited to say how a specific situation or behavior annoys you. You are then responsible for asking for the specific change that you want. He/she will be able to hear your frustration better than usual, because you will provide them with a specific and clear “Behavior Change Request”. This will let them know what they can do to fix what you are uncomfortable with.
We use the “Complaint with Request for Change” as a way to stay current with our spouse, on a daily basis, about things that, if not handled, could grow and cause trouble. The goal is to clear them out each day so we do not store them up. It is not necessary for your spouse to agree to actually change their behavior. Often it seems that simply having our complaints and requests heard is as important as getting resolution.
The “Daily Temperature Reading” is for confiding and staying current. It is not a conflict resolution tool. If a significant conflict comes up, set aside time to use one of the other tools you will learn to resolve it.
STEP #5 HOPES AND DREAMS
This is a scheduled time when you get to tell your brains, as a team, where you want to be going and what you want to be doing in your relationship.
So now you have it. The formula for the 10 golden minutes every day will increase the quality and quantity of your communication well over 300% above the national average for couples.
In order to have what most couples don’t have, I challenge you to do what most people don’t do. You’ve proactively invested time and energy to peruse information in this newsletter and you’ve demonstrated a serious intension to learn, still another way, to grow your relationship. That’s a huge, positive action step that will help you actualize your relationship vision.
So I challenge you for the next 30 days, find 10 minutes a day and make them Golden. Reserve this time just for the two of you. Do it for 30 days and it will become a habit.
I believe you’ll have an amazing result!!!