Anger Management

When we’re angry, we feel a compelling need to make a show of strength, to have others see us as powerful. We may do this physically or emotionally, verbally, with gestures or with physical aggression. Because the angry person needs to “win,” we may target our anger at someone who can’t – or won’t – … Continue reading "Anger and Intimidation"

Why Expectations Make Us AngryFor those who struggle with anger, the world seems to be packed with triggers. One moment things seem calm and normal and the next moment, we explode. If this sounds familiar, consider the trigger effect of expectations. From our earliest awareness, our parents and teachers ask us"Did you" questions:Did you put … Continue reading "Anger and Expectations"

We are a competitive species and we all do a certain amount of comparison. Perhaps our parents encouraged us to measure ourselves against others, or against our own earlier performance: “Your brother was the star player,” “I got straight A’s when I was your age,” “You were the first kid in your play group to … Continue reading "Anger and Inferiority"

Trust is one of the most basic requirements for true closeness between people. We might feel connected with those who share our work, history, family ties, community or spiritual practice, but without trust we will not experience the same depth of feeling or intimacy in the relationship.Trust allows us to lower our barriers, to be … Continue reading "Anger Destroys Trust"

All living creatures have needs. But in addition to our basic life-sustaining physical needs, people have needs for affection, connection, understanding, appreciation, intimacy and compassion, among other feelings within our relationships.Our anger may make it particularly hard for us to express our needs. We may believe that we shouldn’t have to express them – that … Continue reading "Angry People Have Needs Too"

Who's in Control?When we are children, we are expected to follow the rules set by our parents. Such rules may be designed for our safety – look both ways before stepping off the curb – or for family peace – no phone calls during dinner. In some families, rules are firm, fast and unquestionable; in … Continue reading "Anger Control Issues"