• FAQs
• Articles
• Videos
• Self Test

Rocky Relationship vs. the Advice Machine

Everybody is full of advice. If we're shopping for a car or trying to decide which movie to see, suddenly we're beset by suggestions, recommendations and urgent opinions. It's not much different when we talk about our relationships. If we mention that we've had a dust-up with our parents, our children, our friend or our spouse, we're likely to attract all kinds of 'sage' advice.

But advice is a funny thing: it's not always in our best interest. For one thing, advice isn't objective because the friend we're talking to hears only one side of the story – ours. In addition, our friend may have a "hidden agenda."

Perhaps he or she has, for a long time, been jealous of our relationship, disliked our partner or even been secretly in love with our significant other! Perhaps our friend has a personal history of positive or negative relationships or one that suggests all relationships will fail; he or she might have personal beliefs that exclude divorce. Maybe our friend loves us and has our best interests at heart but is more concerned about relieving our immediate pain than in finding a long-term solution.

In each of these situations -- and there are others -- our friend will probably offer us some sympathy and some advice: get out now, stick with it no matter what, etc. Our friend wants us to feel better and move along. But a relationship that's in turmoil needs more than a Band-Aid. It needs attention, listening and new communication tools – even if the ultimate goal or result is divorce. When we're in the midst of relationship problems, we may feel that nothing could be better than a "quick fix."

We're put off by the idea of doing anything that's going to take time or prolong the discomfort. But the quick fix is not likely to be satisfactory in the long run – not for us, not for our partner, not for our children, not even for our advice-giving friends and loved ones. It took time for us to reach this point; it will take time for us to untangle the mess, figure out what can be salvaged and decide what we're going to do next.

A relationship coach can help us find immediate relief for the pain we're experiencing and long-term tools and solutions that will help to repair our lives, whether we end up staying with our partner or not. The best advice our friend can offer: talk with someone who's trained, skilled, experienced and objective.

For a free phone consult, call Dr. Fibus at 818.395.2832.

« BACK TO ARTICLES