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Rationalizing Anger


We have so many reasons to be angry, and to stay angry. We’ve been abused by angry parents, family members or spouses. We’ve never been around functional relationships in which the individuals are equals. We have too many responsibilities to start changing now. It’s not our fault. We have every right to be angry. People are stupid/irresponsible. We have to control our lives and the lives of those around us. We deserve better. We’re not angry, we’re just frustrated/fed up/etc. Why are we always the one who has to be in control? And what difference would it make if we weren’t angry anyway?

Good question!

The difference is that we could have rich, rewarding relationships with our family members, friends and co-workers. We could help our children find constructive expression for their own anger. We could redirect the tremendous amount of energy we put into our anger toward something meaningful. We could get “unstuck” from the patterns of our destructive behavior. We could stop hurting ourselves and others.

Our life experiences are not always “fair.” Many of us are mistreated in some way. We may be entirely justified in feeling angry and resentful. But acknowledging the feelings of anger and resentment is not the same as acting on them. We cannot change the past, but with knowledgeable guidance, we can begin, right now, to change our actions, our attitudes and our lives. We can change the present and we can change the future by managing our anger.

For a free phone consult, call Dr. Fibus at 818.395.2831.

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