When we’re sad, frustrated, angry, lonely or depressed, those feelings are communicated in the way we express ourselves. Even if we don’t mention the specifics about what’s bothering us, our underlying tone conveys a feeling of hopelessness or hostility. Perhaps you know someone who seems “angry at the world” every time you talk; after a while, you might even start looking for ways to avoid talking with that person, as if their unhappiness is contagious.

The good news is that the opposite is also true. When we focus on what’s good in our lives – what’s working, what’s exciting, what’s making us happy – that positive energy is expressed through our communication with others and it makes us more attractive. As we generate more positive responses in others, we lift ourselves into better health and better relationships as well.

But what if everything is less than peachy right now? How can we make ourselves into more positive-sounding people? Here are a few suggestions:

·      Show interest in others. Ask questions about what others are doing and thinking. Make an effort to note their answers, and then ask for updates the next time you talk.

·      Avoid blaming and negative comments. Negativity is contagious and you can catch it from yourself! Rather than remarking upon what’s bad or failing or unattractive, find something good to comment on – or don’t say anything.

·      Smile.

·      Listen.

·      As you go through the week, make a note of everything that makes you feel even slightly happy. Perhaps it’s a treasured pet, time in your garden, something in nature or a heartwarming story you hear on the radio. Keep adding to your list.

·      Give and receive compliments and praise. It’s easy to forget how good we feel when someone says something nice to us. If someone compliments you, don’t try to deny their words; smile and say “Thanks!”

·      Find something to laugh about. Whether it’s a joke or a funny movie, laughing is good for the body and the spirit.

While these simple suggestions are designed to warm up our personal relationships, they don’t take the place of dealing with serious problems. Talking with a relationship counselor can make all the difference as we find our way out of dealing with anger, depression and unhappiness.

For a free phone consult, call Los Angeles Anger Management Therapist Dr. Fibus at 818.395.2832.

 

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