Relationships
Free Consultation

Call Dr. Fibus today for
your initial free 10 minute
phone consultation!

818-395-2831

The Lazy Libido


You and your partner used to engage in sexual activity on a regular basis and both welcomed it with open arms. Now, months or years later in your serious relationship, the sex drive in one or both of you has waned considerably. What gives?

The reason for this is mainly because Mother Nature giveth and Mother Nature taketh away. At the beginning of your relationship way back in the infatuation stage, the chemical concoction swimming around in both you and your partner caused you to feel a burning desire for one another. This was mainly the biological urge to mate and procreate, an urge that goes back to our ancient ancestors. However, our systems cannot handle the infatuation concoction forever and eventually, it exits our systems, leaving us staring at our partner with indifference.

Although it is natural for our libidos to dwindle over time in our relationship, this does not mean that your sex life is forever doomed. Below are several tips you can try in order to revive your lagging libidos.

Ask not only what is best for you, but also what is best for the relationship.
You and your partner will probably never have the same exact level of sexual desire. Therefore, instead of thinking solely about your own sexual needs, think about them in the context of the relationship as a whole. Be considerate of your partner’s needs moment-to-moment. If your sexual drives are not in tandem on a given day, discuss it openly and plan for another time.

Be a consumer activist for your sexual health.
Sex is not just good for your relationship. It is also good for you. The rhythmic activity stimulates the heart and increases blood flow throughout your body. It also fosters strength, flexibility, and stamina. Sexual contact increases endorphins, instantly boosting your mood. And to top things off, the release of oxytocin at the point of orgasm causes you to feel bonded with your partner. It’s a win-win!

Do what it takes to maintain a positive attitude about sex.
How you feel about yourself, your sexuality, and your partner all affect your outlook on sex as a whole. So first, think about what you need to do to feel good about yourself. Also, ask yourself what you need to do to feel better about your partner. Improving your attitude will improve your partner’s behavior, as well. And also, check in with yourself regarding what would make you feel better about your sexual ability. Improving in ways that make yourself more confident both in bed and overall will benefit both you and your partner.

Make sex a priority.
Life is full of mandatory appointments. Make sex with your partner one of them. Communicate to your partner how important intimacy is for you. This will not only communicate your sexual needs but it will let your partner know how important he or she is in your life. Give yourself time for sex and make it count. Create a romantic atmosphere for sexual excitement that you and your partner can look forward to.

Understand that low desire is often not a reflection of your relationship.
Low desire can be the result of a number of causes. The most common is hormone level. Therefore, sexual desire has a lot more of an origin in biology than in sexual attraction to your partner. Keeping in mind this fact that take away the shame and blame that is commonly attached to low desire in a relationship. It is always important to think about the many possible causes for low desire. Communicate with each other about it and if it becomes a problem within your relationship or within yourself, seek answers through seeing a doctor.

Understand that high sex drive can be normal for women.
Some women possess higher testosterone levels than others, making them more prone to a high sex drive. This is very normal and differs from woman to woman. Therefore, if you or your female partner does have a higher sex drive, discuss what it means in terms of sexual intimacy within the relationship.

Accept the sexual differences between you and your partner.
Many couples interpret sex as an expression of intimacy. Although this is true, a common misconception is that it is the only expression of intimacy, causing discord when sexual desires differ within relationships. It is important to keep in mind that everyone has a different sex drive due to biological differences and a different set of sexual needs. Get out of your own frame of reference for a period of time. Accept these differences and work with them.

Communicate your sexual needs.
If frequent sex is important to you, communicate this honestly and directly to your partner. Similarly, if a particular part of foreplay or position gets you particularly aroused, it is your responsibility to make this known. It is important to work together to achieve sexual satisfaction because over time, you will both need different sexual stimulation to say aroused. Start communicating clearly now to pave the way for conversations of this nature in the future.

Be willing to give and receive sex as a gift.
Loving sex is good for you physically, mentally, and emotionally. In order to be satisfied, both of you need to be involved. Constantly look at sex with a partnership stance, considering what is best for the relationship and for keeping you connected to your partner.

There will always be highs and lows within a sexual relationship. However, will clear and consistent communication and consideration for your partner’s needs, you can achieve a more satisfying and loving sex life for the rest of your relationship.

(Source: The Truth About Love by Pat Love, Ed.D)

» Back To Articles

Make An Appointment

Call us at 818-395-2831 or fill out
this form today!

Name:
Phone:
Email:
Comments:
Dr. Fibus, your patience and compassion kept us in our chairs, but your skill and
understanding of relationships guided us toward renewed commitment that will last
a long time. We are deeply grateful for your help.
Home | Meet Our Team | Our Approach | Relationship Counseling | Anger Management | NeuroFeedback | Success Stories | Resources | Articles | FAQs | Contact Us | Blog | Privacy Policy