Frequently Asked Questions
In general, I use the terms coaching and counseling interchangeably to mean a process that is designed to solve problems, modify behavior and improve quality of life. While therapy traditionally assumes that there is something wrong with the individual, coaching and counseling take the approach that there is a great deal that is right. By looking at what works and building new behaviors on that, we work quickly toward successful outcomes.
Good question. You might be surprised to learn that a lot of people are afraid to go into counseling, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they think they’ll be forced to do something they don’t want to do, or admit or reveal something they don’t want to talk about. Some people think that if they have counseling they’ll no longer be “themselves.” These assumptions are incorrect. It’s very, very important to me that you feel safe during your coaching experience. You will never be forced or obliged to do or say anything. You are involved in every decision that’s made and we progress at a pace that is comfortable for you. If you ever have doubts or concerns or are feeling a little afraid—with me or with any therapist—you should talk about it immediately, and if the problem can’t be resolved to your satisfaction, then maybe that’s just not the right situation for you. Successful counseling should not only make you feel more like yourself, but it should also make you like yourself more!
During your first session, we will explore options, so you can make an informed decision about your coaching experience. For the best results, we recommend that you make an initial commitment of 12 weekly sessions. During that period, you will have an opportunity, moving at your own safe pace, to experience significant growth. At that point, we will look back together at what you’ve accomplished and you will be in a position to decide whether (and how) additional coaching will be useful. If you're busy, we'll find a creative way to fit your schedule, whether you are interested in short-term, intensive or ongoing coaching. Sessions may be conducted in-person and by phone. If you are flying in from out of town, we will customize the length of sessions, frequency and intensity to suit your personal needs.
Dr. Fibus & Practice
No, and it’s not because they don’t want to appreciate their success, my experience and skill, or the fact that they got the outcome they had asked for. The fact is that, sometimes, getting what we ask for (too quickly) can be overwhelming. “Change” is something most people resist.
Our brain always tries to adjust to whatever challenging situation we find ourselves in. Sometimes, we adjust to a negative pattern too well.
There are usually some (positive) “secondary benefits” that, one can depend on, as an outcome of the predictable negative behavior. The key word here is “predictable”. Even negative behavior can be soothing, to a degree, if what will happen next is “predictable”
Our brain always tries to adjust to whatever challenging situation we find ourselves in. Sometimes, we adjust to a negative pattern too well.
There are usually some (positive) “secondary benefits” that, one can depend on, as an outcome of the predictable negative behavior. The key word here is “predictable”. Even negative behavior can be soothing, to a degree, if what will happen next is “predictable”
Highly motivated clients who want to learn to do what most of the “Pied Piper Followers” around them don’t know to even ask for, let alone work toward.
Clients who understand that most marriages in our society aren’t healthy and they are determined to be much happier and healthy than the status queue. They are searching out an expert who has a strong success record with couples and is strong enough to handle their power struggles between themselves and with the therapist/relationship coach.
They want my help to both stay together and also be happier than they ever imagined was possible.
They want to Have a “BETTER NEXT RELATIONSHIP” and to have that next relationship with one another.
Clients who understand that most marriages in our society aren’t healthy and they are determined to be much happier and healthy than the status queue. They are searching out an expert who has a strong success record with couples and is strong enough to handle their power struggles between themselves and with the therapist/relationship coach.
They want my help to both stay together and also be happier than they ever imagined was possible.
They want to Have a “BETTER NEXT RELATIONSHIP” and to have that next relationship with one another.
Yes, and I love it.
My wife and I work very hard to listen and pay attention to one another. We both appreciate that the other “makes sense”, even if we don’t always make sense to one another.
We “think” and “act” loving most of the time, when our own different perspective doesn’t get in the way. We both acknowledge that having a healthy and loving relationship takes work and we do what it takes.
My wife and I work very hard to listen and pay attention to one another. We both appreciate that the other “makes sense”, even if we don’t always make sense to one another.
We “think” and “act” loving most of the time, when our own different perspective doesn’t get in the way. We both acknowledge that having a healthy and loving relationship takes work and we do what it takes.
My most favorite word in the world is “Daddy” and I hope and believe I have earned the title. Being a loving and caring parent is one of the most important and significant (ongoing) accomplishments I am imminently proud of.
I actually grow as much as the client when I engage with them. Doing this work keeps me on my toes, forcing me to challenge myself to rethink.
Each client and couple gets a customize program that reflects their specifically unique and distinctively individual needs.
I have had the opportunity to work with and address the extraordinary challenges of an amazingly broad spectrum of client’s personal challenges. Responding separately and uniquely to each of well over three-thousand + cases during the past thirty years has provided me with an immense filing cabinet of subtle and effective tools to help clients “GROW A GREAT RELATIONSHIP” and “THRIVE IN MARRIAGE”
I have had the opportunity to work with and address the extraordinary challenges of an amazingly broad spectrum of client’s personal challenges. Responding separately and uniquely to each of well over three-thousand + cases during the past thirty years has provided me with an immense filing cabinet of subtle and effective tools to help clients “GROW A GREAT RELATIONSHIP” and “THRIVE IN MARRIAGE”
I persistently use dozens of modalities and approaches with each client, and you will receive the appropriate, unique degree and proportion of each method, that matches your specific needs.
The goal is to provide you with much more than “a lack of the negative”. When working with couples, my goal is to: “Help you stay a unit and end up happier together than you both ever imagined possible”.
The various techniques and modalities each have a variety of effective aspects to them. I utilize tool interdependently with each of the other tools. In this way, my approach to create carefully designed, goal oriented outcomes is customized to facilitate your unique needs.
The goal is to provide you with much more than “a lack of the negative”. When working with couples, my goal is to: “Help you stay a unit and end up happier together than you both ever imagined possible”.
The various techniques and modalities each have a variety of effective aspects to them. I utilize tool interdependently with each of the other tools. In this way, my approach to create carefully designed, goal oriented outcomes is customized to facilitate your unique needs.
As a couple, you will initially be encouraged to commit to a minimum of twelve weeks of relationship coaching. You will be asked to enter the program with a serious intention to learn how to love one another, feel safe as a couple and act vibrant as a unit. During this period, you will be guided to focus on helping one another create a “better next relationship” with one another.
As with any new skill, once you learn to create health, happiness and prosperity together, you must continue to “use it (what you learned) or lose it”. It’s helpful to periodically reinforce the healthy behavior, so you don’t go back to your old ways.
As with any new skill, once you learn to create health, happiness and prosperity together, you must continue to “use it (what you learned) or lose it”. It’s helpful to periodically reinforce the healthy behavior, so you don’t go back to your old ways.
Sherman Oaks, CA. 91607
Yes, by appointment
Yes, by appointment
- Interact
- Role reverse
- Exercises
- Walk
- Laugh
- Make it safe for those close to the client to let client grow
- Create cards to carry in their pocket or purse to do that week, to make forward movement that week
- Send email, snail mail, etc. to client during week to keep the progress going between sessions
- Invite family and friends to come to a session to support individual or couple break out of their old (disempowering) patterns
- I observe the interaction between client and close family and friends and nudge the relationship to evolve to a higher level
- Different
- Atypical
- Uncharacteristic
- Unusual
- Devoted
- Committed
- Out of a group of 100 marriage therapists, I would probably be the last of the group to say “You guys should just file for divorce and move on”.
- I believes that the fundamental reasons that two people are attracted to one another and create a bond is much more sophisticated and complex than the simplistic rationalization we offer as justification for what we often try to reduce as simply:
She looks good in a BIKINI
He’s very good looking
She’s/He’s good in bed
He makes a good living/Has a good job
She understands me
We both like the same kinds of activities
We both like kids and want a big family
Our families really like one another - Reasons couples give for breaking up/Divorcing
We were “Too YOUNG”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were “Too IMMATURE”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were NOT “FINANCIALLY SECURE ENOUGH”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were NOT “EMOTIONALLY SECURE ENOUGH”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were just “INFATUATED”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
She looked “REALLY SEXY” until that got old
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were ”Too IMPULSIVE”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
I Married Him/ Her “For THEIR MONEY”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
I just wanted to “MOVE OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were “Too SELFISH & SPOILED”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were “Too INDEPENDENT”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
We were “IN-LOVE” & Now we aren’t
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage”
“Bad decision”- “We made a mistake”
Falsehood: “Most (other) people getting married are wiser, better prepared and more successful with their marriage” - Your partner was not the only person you had the opportunity to pursue and be pursued by
- You and your partner got together because two extraordinarily sophisticated computers negotiated the match.
Your BRAIN
Their BRAIN
- Enthusiastic
- Passionate
- Takes your relationship Very Seriously
- Devoted
- He THINKS ABOUT your challenges (during week) between sessions
- OUTLINES Strategies
- Digs out Archived case files of
- Eccentric
- Original
- Alternative
- Exceptional
- Amusing
- Entertaining
- Significant
- Sincere
- Genuine
- Determined
- Thought-provoking
- Quirky
- Unconventional
- Clever
- Expert
- Proficient
- Responsive
- Aware
- Perceptive
- Understanding
- Compassion
- Confirming
- Engaging
- Thriving
- Seasoned
- Veteran
- Tested
- Experienced
- Specialist
- Consultant
- Firmness
- Certainty
- Mentor
- “Stretch”
- Adept
- Talented
- Gifted Exceptional
- Deft
- Agile
- Ingenious
- Efficient
- Veteran
- Anger Management
- Neuro-feedback
- Conjoint Couples Coaching
- Pre-marital
IMAGO
PAIRS
MARS/VENUS
HOT MONOGAMY
- Pre-Divorce Filing
IMAGO
PAIRS
MARS/VENUS
HOT MONOGAMY
- Post Marital (Shared Child Custody)
IMAGO
PAIRS
MARS/VENUS
HOT MONOGAMY
- Pre-marital
- Things you have created Physically
- Deck of “Directive Cards”
Secret Assignment to “Gift Partner” - C.D.’s
GUIDED IMAGERY
SPIRITUAL TAPES
HYPNOSIS
BI-NEURAL - Picture Frame Directives/Embedded Commands that Appear On Their Desk At Home
We Change Them Regularly
• WORDS
• PHOTOGRAPHIC PICTURES
(a) They Supply Pictures (With Our Directive)
(b) We Have Picture Taken (For Them)
• CARTOONS
(a) ORIGINAL
(b) DAVID DRAW
(b) CLIP ART
- Deck of “Directive Cards”
- Things you have created Emotionally
- Things you have created Spiritually
- Things you have created Geographically
- Psychiatric consult to rule out need for psychotropic medical intervention
- Appropriate medical specialist to responsibly rule out serious medical problems
- Specialist in any field that can help the client maximize their health
- We are not affiliated with any other psychological, psychiatric or medical clinic. We would refer to other professionals if we felt there was a clear and specific need.
“Rule Out” a serious problem that is best evaluated or treated by another specific, medical specialist.
- We are not affiliated with any other psychological, psychiatric or medical clinic. We would refer to other professionals if we felt there was a clear and specific need.
Individuals
While I don’t usually answer a question with a question, in this case, consider the following: Are you feeling stuck? Do you find that you run into the same problems over and over again? Do you have a hard time saying what you need? Do you sometimes feel so worried or angry or excited you don’t know how to express it? Do you feel that your life is uninteresting, colorless—sort of “blah”? Do you have a hard time sleeping at night or getting out of bed in the morning? Do you ever use alcohol or drugs to make you feel better? If you answered Yes to any of these questions, this would be a good time to consider counseling. Counseling can give you practical tools to make your life and emotions more manageable, to make you feel more satisfied and to help you get what you need in order to be happy.
If you are committed to having a better life and getting rid of the “mess,” I believe we can break through whatever barriers may be holding you back. Unlike traditional therapy, my methods of assisting you are based on your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Many of my clients have had tremendous success through our work together, even after they had “given up” on therapy or had been referred by a therapist who was no longer able to make progress with them.
Couples
When we address “couple” issues in counseling, we don’t look for someone to blame; we look for what is working in the relationship and then we use that as a foundation to build future success. Even if your problems seem entirely one-sided—“my spouse is cheating on me”—we approach it as a couple issue and work as a team to solve the problem. If you or your spouse have individual concerns, we can address those as well.
Yes! Every couple deserves a rich, rewarding, exciting relationship, regardless of the age of the partners or how long they’ve been together. Relationship coaching can help you re-ignite the spark and find new meaning and commitment within your relationship.
When two people get married—whatever their ages, and whether it’s for the first time or a subsequent marriage for one or both—they always hope that this relationship will be “forever.” But in our divorce-prone society, few couples have the knowledge or tools necessary to keep their marriage healthy once the initial excitement is past. It’s as if they’ve decided to cross the ocean in a rowboat but they don’t have oars, or sails, or a motor, or water, or sunscreen, or books or anything to eat; all they have is hope. Pre-marital counseling helps the couple assemble the tools, including the resources they already have within themselves. It helps them recognize and deal with small issues before they become big problems and opens up new channels of communication that work for the twosome. It helps the couple avoid the relationship pitfalls that lead to unhappiness, dissatisfaction or divorce in 95% of marriages. In a safe, neutral environment, it also helps the couple address some of the important issues that may be hard to talk about, such as money, anger and sex.
You’re not! In some cases an individual or couple will be referred for a specific type of counseling, but in most cases, we have an initial conversation about your needs and concerns and then put together a program that will work best for you. It may be more traditional “talk therapy” or it may use elements from some or all of the other counseling systems. What’s important is what will get the best results for you.
Families
Just like individuals and couples, families need communication tools to work together successfully. Family counseling supports each individual, each twosome (mom and dad, mom and son, son and dad, etc.) and the family as a whole as we look for ways to replace problem behavior with productive, rewarding behavior. Often, once we’ve addressed the at-home issues, many of the problems at school will resolve themselves.
Anger
Absolutely not! If your small child picks up a chain saw or runs out into the street, your angry (but not violent) response will help them learn an important lesson. If you are able to channel your anger with a co-worker’s chronic lateness, you may end up with a better working relationship and more effective results. In your work and relationships, feelings of anger may indicate that a problem is brewing. You can learn to recognize your angry feelings and to deal with the underlying problem before it escalates.
Contact Dr. Fibus
for your initial free
10 minute phone
consultation!
(877) 895-3614
for your initial free
10 minute phone
consultation!
(877) 895-3614
Call (877) 895-3614 or fill out
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