General

What’s the difference between therapy, counseling and coaching? In general, I use the terms coaching and counseling interchangeably to mean a process that is designed to solve problems, modify behavior and improve quality of life. While therapy traditionally assumes that there is something wrong with the individual, coaching and counseling take the approach that there is a great deal that is right. By looking at what works and building new behaviors on that, we work quickly toward successful outcomes.

I don’t know anything about counseling (except that everyone in my family is against it) and I’m sort of afraid. How scary is it? Good question. You might be surprised to learn that a lot of people are afraid to go into counseling, for a variety of reasons. Perhaps they think they’ll be forced to do something they don’t want to do, or admit or reveal something they don’t want to talk about. Some people think that if they have counseling they’ll no longer be “themselves.” These assumptions are incorrect. It’s very, very important to me that you feel safe during your coaching experience. You will never be forced or obliged to do or say anything. You are involved in every decision that’s made and we progress at a pace that is comfortable for you. If you ever have doubts or concerns or are feeling a little afraid—with me or with any therapist—you should talk about it immediately, and if the problem can’t be resolved to your satisfaction, then maybe that’s just not the right situation for you. Successful counseling should not only make you feel more like yourself, but it should also make you like yourself more!

How long will it take? During your first session, we will explore options, so you can make an informed decision about your coaching experience. For the best results, we recommend that you make an initial commitment of 12 weekly sessions. During that period, you will have an opportunity, moving at your own safe pace, to experience significant growth. At that point, we will look back together at what you’ve accomplished and you will be in a position to decide whether (and how) additional coaching will be useful. If you're busy, we'll find a creative way to fit your schedule, whether you are interested in short-term, intensive or ongoing coaching. Sessions may be conducted in-person and by phone. If you are flying in from out of town, we will customize the length of sessions, frequency and intensity to suit your personal needs.

Individuals

How do I know if I this is the right time for counseling? While I don’t usually answer a question with a question, in this case, consider the following: Are you feeling stuck? Do you find that you run into the same problems over and over again? Do you have a hard time saying what you need? Do you sometimes feel so worried or angry or excited you don’t know how to express it? Do you feel that your life is uninteresting, colorless—sort of “blah”? Do you have a hard time sleeping at night or getting out of bed in the morning? Do you ever use alcohol or drugs to make you feel better? If you answered Yes to any of these questions, this would be a good time to consider counseling. Counseling can give you practical tools to make your life and emotions more manageable, to make you feel more satisfied and to help you get what you need in order to be happy.

I’ve had years of therapy, but my life is still a mess. What could you possibly offer that would make a difference? If you are committed to having a better life and getting rid of the “mess,” I believe we can break through whatever barriers may be holding you back. Unlike traditional therapy, my methods of assisting you are based on your strengths rather than your weaknesses. Many of my clients have had tremendous success through our work together, even after they had “given up” on therapy or had been referred by a therapist who was no longer able to make progress with them.

     Couples

How do I know if it’s me, my spouse or our relationship that’s the problem? When we address “couple” issues in counseling, we don’t look for someone to blame; we look for what is working in the relationship and then we use that as a foundation to build future success. Even if your problems seem entirely one-sided—“my spouse is cheating on me”—we approach it as a couple issue and work as a team to solve the problem. If you or your spouse have individual concerns, we can address those as well.

There’s nothing wrong with our relationship except that it’s boring. Can coaching help? Yes! Every couple deserves a rich, rewarding, exciting relationship, regardless of the age of the partners or how long they’ve been together. Relationship coaching can help you re-ignite the spark and find new meaning and commitment within your relationship.

What is pre-marital counseling? When two people get married—whatever their ages, and whether it’s for the first time or a subsequent marriage for one or both—they always hope that this relationship will be “forever.” But in our divorce-prone society, few couples have the knowledge or tools necessary to keep their marriage healthy once the initial excitement is past. It’s as if they’ve decided to cross the ocean in a rowboat but they don’t have oars, or sails, or a motor, or water, or sunscreen, or books or anything to eat; all they have is hope. Pre-marital counseling helps the couple assemble the tools, including the resources they already have within themselves. It helps them recognize and deal with small issues before they become big problems and opens up new channels of communication that work for the twosome. It helps the couple avoid the relationship pitfalls that lead to unhappiness, dissatisfaction or divorce in 95% of marriages. In a safe, neutral environment, it also helps the couple address some of the important issues that may be hard to talk about, such as money, anger and sex.

You have all these different methods listed—Pairs, Imago, Mars-Venus, and so on. How are we supposed to know which one is right for us? You’re not! In some cases an individual or couple will be referred for a specific type of counseling, but in most cases, we have an initial conversation about your needs and concerns and then put together a program that will work best for you. It may be more traditional “talk therapy” or it may use elements from some or all of the other counseling systems. What’s important is what will get the best results for you.

Families

We’ve had some “anger issues” in our marriage and now our son is acting out, both at home and at school. What should we do? Just like individuals and couples, families need communication tools to work together successfully. Family counseling supports each individual, each twosome (mom and dad, mom and son, son and dad, etc.) and the family as a whole as we look for ways to replace problem behavior with productive, rewarding behavior. Often, once we’ve addressed the at-home issues, many of the problems at school will resolve themselves.

Anger

Is anger always bad? Absolutely not! If your small child picks up a chain saw or runs out into the street, your angry (but not violent) response will help them learn an important lesson. If you are able to channel your anger with a co-worker’s chronic lateness, you may end up with a better working relationship and more effective results. In your work and relationships, feelings of anger may indicate that a problem is brewing. You can learn to recognize your angry feelings and to deal with the underlying problem before it escalates.