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Be Like Me and Other Control Issues
In our relationships, we must continually make choices. Some are easy: what's for dinner? Some are extremely complex: make the move for my career or stay here for my partner's career?Decision-making can be risky. When we make honest evaluations, we expose our true feelings and, in our relationship, we sometimes expose the places where we differ from our partner.
If the differences feel threatening, we may try to eliminate them, to control them, by denying our own feelings or by demanding that our partner change his or her opinions to match ours. While such controlling behavior may make us feel temporarily safe, there will always be some new threat to our security – a place where the unexpected, the different, the unknown stirs unruly feelings within us.
Controlling people may sound like bullies or nags, but they are often fearful. They may be afraid of their own feelings, afraid of displeasing their partner or afraid of being judged by family, friends or community. Controlling behavior can quickly turn into a bad habit. It can damage the relationship and the individuals within it.
On the other hand, couples who value their relationships and are willing to embrace their differences can replace controlling behavior with language and practices that promote healthy partnerships. Couples can learn to explore the exciting possibilities within important decisions and to grow as they express themselves as individuals within committed relationships.
To begin the exploration, look for a compassionate counselor. For a free phone consult, call Dr. Fibus at 818.395.2832.
For a free phone consult, call Dr. Fibus at 818.395.2832.
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