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The Anger-Loneliness Connection

What we call loneliness is not the same as being alone; in fact, lonely people may be extremely social and spend much of their time with others. Loneliness is our sense of isolation, whether we're alone or with other people - our feeling of not connecting, not being understood, not being valued. Perhaps we feel that we're being judged or treated unfairly.

Such feelings are distressing. We need to connect. We need to feel that we matter and that our lives and actions matter.

It's not unusual for feelings of loneliness to emerge as anger. As we attempt to get the connection and recognition we need, we scold or complain. We may accuse those closest to us of not understanding us, not listening, not caring. We may get angry when friends or family members give us advice, especially because we feel they don't understand us in the first place.

Our anger may be overt – harsh speech or yelling – or we may hold it in, seething with disappointment and disgust. In either case, our anger serves to isolate us further as others sense the defensive wall we've raised against the world. Thus we might say that loneliness causes anger and anger causes loneliness!

To exit this cycle of negativity and to begin enriching our relationships, we can learn to recognize our anger, acknowledge its triggers and change the painful, repetitive patterns in our lives. Anger is understandable and manageable with skilled and compassionate help.

Now is the time to release anger and emerge from loneliness.

For a free phone consult, call Dr. Fibus at 818.395.2832.

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